Lessons from the Road...

Now on to the more somber news. I headed into these trips and continue to with high hopes and optimism. After all training this past fall and winter had gone well and even more so the workouts had been indicating good things to come.

 I opened up with a low key 1500 meter race somewhere in San Francisco around April 12th. This was apparently a sign of things to come. I had burned the bottom of my feet the day before running a cool down (post-workout run) barefoot on the hot track.

 I had done this many times before, but apparently this was ONCE too many times.
So I took off from the line and realized no one was going to come with me. 

I was simply testing my feet and fitness. I had to pull the pin and DNF (Did Not Finish) after about 1000 meters, because I feared the carnage I would unleash on my feet as they hurt to run on.

 I was also leading by a decent amount at the time. I wasn't happy with this decision, but thought it was the smart thing to do.
My next outing about a week or so later was in Walnut, CA. 

I left Steve's place and headed down to Delwyn Moller's (my coach's younger sister) place. Her and her husband Brian and two beautiful kids treated me very well and were kind host. 

The meet had changed the sched up a bit and I found out I'd be racing the very next day after I had arrived. I wasn't too bothered by this, since I had just been on a simple 1 hour flight down from San Jose towards the Sierra Madre/Burbank area.

 I had put the frustrations of the 1500 behind and m feet had started to come around, still blistered underneath, but not too bad. I left for the race the next day allowing myself plenty of time to make the 18 mile trip. 

Given that Id' be dealing with California traffic, which can make even the most laid back of people absolutely mad with rage! What I failed to realize, which Delwyn would inform me on later, was that there had been some sort of Bomb threat or scare called in not long before I headed out of the house, and thus caused a massive grid lock on the roads.

 Long story short I covered 18 miles (yes with a car) in close to 2 hours! I've covered further distances than that on foot on training runs before.
I made it to the meet just in time to hear "last call for men's steeplechase." 

I tried not getting anxious but knew I'd have 15 - 20 mins to check in, warm up and head to the line. "No worries", I thought. Anyways my legs felt fine and I knew I'd have a good go at things.

 I started the race and I felt fine, but shortly after a mile (I was 3rd or so at that point) I started to really fade and almost went into sleep mode (like a computer). I finished the race, because I didn't want another DNF next to my name. I came away from it feeling very down and upset.

 Speaking to Lorraine shortly after the race helped a bit, but we were both frustrated. I took it out on a long run the next day, heading up the Sierra Madre mountains behind Delwyn and Brian's property. 

After that it was a loooooong day of traveling towards Boston. I got in very tired but with 8 hours (4 of sleeping) to spare before Samia's Olympic Marathon Trial's race. 

From the airport I headed to some hotel where I met up w/ my college teammate/roomates: Andy and Chris. They'd come into town to see me and watch the race. Life savors they were, as they booked the hotel and everything beforehand, so I could just come in and sleep. 

Samia had a strong race and was right in the thick of things, till about 8 - 10 miles to go, when she started to fade and finished 18th. Not bad by any means, but she was clearly hoping for a top 3. It was great to catch up w/ her and finally meet her family. 

It was a great weekend, but I was ready to head back to Boulder after being away for almost an entire month. I also wanted to head back and figure out what was going on with me. 

We (Lorraine/Harlan/I) deduced that there were some mental barriers/pressure that I had to deal with in order to sort things out, as well as that I was a bit low on my iron.

 The mental stuff didn't surprise me too much, as I have had a habit in the past or at times of putting too much pressure in a situation and expecting too much, hence overwhelming myself almost before the event even takes place. 

The low iron was a bit of a surprise, as I've never had that issue before.
So we new we had a FEW (perhaps and understatement) things to fix before my next outing, as I was already booked to leave town for California again in a week or so. I started taking Iron pills which didn't taste too great. 

I next headed back to Steve's place in Los Gatos, CA. He had been struggling with an injury almost since the first time I got there, so we weren't really able to train together. It wasn't much of a bother though, as I was simply there for a few days this time and wasn't putting in much in the way of workouts. The whole time I was there I was focused on having a good race.

 I also never once got nervous in the days or even hours before the race, this somewhat puzzled Steve. I simply told him, "I can't help not getting nervous, sometimes I'm VERY VERY nervous before a race and other times I'm super calm....it never seems to indicate what type of race I'll have, as I've done well off both instances." 

Well I headed off to the ultra competitive Payton Jordan Invite, where I of course ran into tons and tons of coaches/agents and training mates from around the country/world. It was good to see friends, but also a little distracting (my own fault). I started focusing on being judge by my pears instead on what I had to do to perform well. 

I was in a good steeplechase field and hoping to run my "own" splits for the 1st half and then GO. This was the plan that Lorraine and I put down. Unfortunately my head got the better of me and I DNF again (3rd time ever!). I had no real reason to not finish, other than I didn't like the position I was in. 

It turned out the field went out way faster than I had anticipated and although I was running a pace that would've (had I hung on to finish) landed me a top 3 finish, I panicked and pulled out. 

Frustrated and upset I called up Lorraine, who already knew the results as the meet was being streamed live on the net. I wasn't sure what was worst the shame of NOT finishing or the shame of potentially finishing last (which didn't transpire of course). 

I headed back to Boulder the next day. Unsure if it was my fitness or just my head, Lorraine had me do a 3 mile tempo on a very hilly road that we've used earlier in the year. I wasn't really feeling up to this workout, but wasn't about to go against Lorraine's wishes. 

She's very awesome and supportive in that sense. I went out and ran my fastest 3 mile tempo ever (for the hilly course).
Between that 3 mile workout and today I completed 4 different workouts, each of them being better than the previous best for the specific workout (track and roads). This showed and SHOWS that I'm fit, it of course didn't really do TOO much for the confidence, as it showed that the problem was/is most likely upstairs (pointing at my head).

 Lorraine then hooked me up with her friend: Sunn Turner, who's got a bio-feedback machine. The goal was to hook me up to this and have simple conversations and measure how my body/heart rate react to certain cues and situations. I had two sessions with Sunny, which were rather helpful.

 We learned that I've framed things (when competition is involved) as "All or Nothing". Meaning I either HAVE to win or run "X" time or it's not really worth my time. So almost as if it's either ACCOMPLISH the goal or 2nd,3rd,4th place = same as last place or not finishing. 

This of course is not the healthiest of ways to frame things. I've still got a ways to go. Unfortunately time is also clicking closer and closer to crunch time. My only saving grace (if I can call it that), is that my fitness is there and my coach believes that I'm CLOSE to a breakthrough. 

I'm hoping this is the case, as I'm long over due for a massive PB (Personal Best). I've spoken to a lot of my running friends who've struggle as I'm struggling now, and asked their sincere advice on how they've come out of it. 

These friends include Fasil Bizuneh, who just had a great 10k breakthrough in running 27:50, after being stuck in the 28:20's and 30's for several years, Ryan Hall, who's been on fire every since moving up to the 1/2 and full marathon. He had come close to calling it quits not long ago in college.

 He spoke to me about that at length when we ran into each other in California and then Boston. Surely a good role model, even if we're the same age. The last is my other buddy Alan Webb, who's had a up/down career since breaking out. He told me how he's dealt with the pressures and of course how sometime you just gotta shut everything/everyone out. 

My girlfriend: Samia has also been a great help.
At the end of the day it's ALL up to me though. All the talent and workout fitness in the world isn't going to get me to the Olympics, if I'm not operating or rather RACING at full force. I've got maybe 2 - 3 races sched in June here in the U.S before I head overseas. 

My most sincere of goals is to close the gap on the 8:32 that I've been chasing since before I started my racing campaign this year.
I had another race in Boston yesterday which went better, but the time itself was rather lousy. I finished 3rd, but I lead for a while at the pace my coach and I had planned, the only missing part was the middle of the race where I hit a bad patch. 

It's strange that I can (barely) gain confidence from running a time that I would've been upset with, had I run it back when I was a sophomore in college, but that's just where I'm right now. I truly wish that I could be typing here with great news of my Olympic Journey.
It's far from over yet, but definitely not getting any easier.

 My only saving grace/hope, is that you're always one race away, the fitness is there, the work has be done and I just have to stay positive and start to work on how I frame things (mentally). 

This reminds me of when I started running back in 8th grade for our H.S varsity team. I showed great promise by running under 5 mins for the mile (solid time for an 8th grader), but then no matter how much I tried I didn't break 5 mins again for the next few years. 

I got close but never broke it again, till one day early into my Junior year (so we're talking 3 or 4 years now) I went out and ran 12 seconds faster than I had ever run before, and then then chopped off another 12 seconds in the following 2 races! I had gone from 5 mins to 4:36 in a span of 2 - 3 races! 24 seconds in ONE mile is a ton.
I look back at these and other instances in my life like that for hope.

 I also look REALISTICALLY towards the future. The goal is: BEIJING, but whether that occurs or not, I can't and won't give up. I know the talent is there. The beauty of running, is that you get out of it what you put in, the curse is that there's not exact time line or schedule on this pay back.

 As I mentioned earlier both Fasil and Ryan had breakthrough in the past couple of years, but had put in many frustrating performances up before that. I seem to be on that journey, after all this is only my 2nd full season of racing again since 2004, as I took a few years off to train. 

I'm hoping we can time things right and come out on top.
I will continue to be patient and not treat every race as DO or DIE, "All or Nothing". I'm still trying to come to terms with showing up at meets and because I'm an Olympian having a lot expected of me (as was the case yesterday in Boston).

 I look forward to my next few races, which I will decide on further once I return to Boulder (later tonight) and speak to Lorraine on Monday.
Regardless of how this Olympic Odyssey unfolds, I will head to Europe sometime in July and chase down new and faster PB's.

 I thank all the readers that have continue to show support and visited this blog of mine, especially in the past month and a half when I haven't been updating. 

It's been great to travel to meets and catch up with friends around the country and get a lot of encouragement from people who've stumbled across my blog.
I guess sometimes I'm not sure who or IF anyone reads it, since it doesn't show the number of visitors, unless they're mindsay members (I asked Mr. Ostrow to fix this, but it can't be done or something). 

It was good hearing feedback from Murray Taylor, my Kiwi manager in Europe last year, as well as my hearing back from my Dad: John after I hadn't updated for a while, and of course my college teammate Joe Pienta who's pushing for me to reach my goals this year and beyond, as he himself strives to get back to good fitness. 

Alright this has been a rather long entry. I apologize for that, but I figured I owed it to the readers/supporters to explain my state of being in the past two months or so. 

I will remain patient and very much HUMBLE seeing how things haven't (yet?) transpired as I had hoped/planned. 

This is all part of the journey and I'm looking forward to seeing how it ends as the Olympic Games loom closer and closer. One thing is for sure, whether I make it or not, I will surely not be giving up....as I know the talent is there and the hard work is more than evident. 

The desire burns deep and I only hope I can showcase this in the upcoming weeks/months so that I can fulfill my goals and also show my supporters and friends/family that their love and support isn't being wasted.
I've gotta roll out for a short run before packing up and heading for a full day of traveling. 

Peace & Love 

-Rob